I got onto a bit of a thought medley this morning while getting ready.... and somehow I got to likening motherhood to someone working on a Ph.D. in medicine. Somehow... I think that is very much how you need to approach mothering.
Before you have children you gather information, some of us do this more than others, and you formulate a plan of action... so to speak. You get all these great ideas about how you will raise your child and cope with various issues.
And then... the child arrives... and you realize you hadn't grasped the magnitude of those all nighters... and you begin to crack from lack of sleep. I don't have a medical degree but it makes me think of others who have gone through the long process of studying and then find themselves thrown into super long shifts that stretch the night. Dealing with sleep deprivation really shakes you.
A good medical student realizes that the process is more than learning information to get the job you want... but that it will be a life long learning process as you need to keep your knowledge and skills current to deal with new situations and cases. Its the same with motherhood. You start off with your basic knowledge then find yourself thrown right in with new situations and "cases" to deal with that your previous knowledge didn't yet address.
I truly believe a good mother, or parent for that matter, realizes that raising children is like getting a medical degree and becoming a doctor. Your child is forever growing and changing and new situations and stages are always arising and this requires a mother who is open to learning. Motherhood is about knowing your children, really knowing them... their needs, their desires, likes, dislikes, abilities, shortcomings, areas in need of growth and so on... and toss in there a dozen (or 100) stages to wreck havoc the moment you think you've got on top of things. A good mother isn't one that gets it right all the time or from the get-go. A good mother realizes her own shortcomings and her child's needs and strives to improve herself and best meet the needs of her child.
And something tells me... one day when my children have grown and moved out... I'll still be learning how to deal with them and one day grandchildren.... so, I probably won't ever get that Ph.D. in Motherhood that I might have thought, once, was possible.... at least an "in my head" degree. :)
Take courage mothers... when you make mistake, say "I'm sorry" and strive to be a learner and learn better. When your child is being difficult or a situation seems like too much, pursues knowledge and solutions that will improve things for the benefit of your child and yourself... but realize this is a process and takes time... a lot of time.... because both you and your children are works in process, ever changing, forever changing.
Have grace and mercy with each other.
You aren't defined by your mistakes unless you hold onto them and refuse to budge. Let go of your mistakes, appologize and forgive yourself as well. Learn and move on.
I don't know at what point I realized that being a mother was like getting an education, but I am glad that I did realize it, I can't say how much it has helped me to improve my ways.
Over the summer I forgot about reading books and have only just remembered I didn't finish a really good one... "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk", Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. You always emphasize communication when you think of relationships like marriage... but not so often do you think of the dynamics of communication in parenting.... to me, this is what this book is about... AND surprisingly... I see how it could work with anyone, not just kids.
I plan to finish reading this book once the kids are back in short and look forward to
Before you have children you gather information, some of us do this more than others, and you formulate a plan of action... so to speak. You get all these great ideas about how you will raise your child and cope with various issues.
And then... the child arrives... and you realize you hadn't grasped the magnitude of those all nighters... and you begin to crack from lack of sleep. I don't have a medical degree but it makes me think of others who have gone through the long process of studying and then find themselves thrown into super long shifts that stretch the night. Dealing with sleep deprivation really shakes you.
A good medical student realizes that the process is more than learning information to get the job you want... but that it will be a life long learning process as you need to keep your knowledge and skills current to deal with new situations and cases. Its the same with motherhood. You start off with your basic knowledge then find yourself thrown right in with new situations and "cases" to deal with that your previous knowledge didn't yet address.
I truly believe a good mother, or parent for that matter, realizes that raising children is like getting a medical degree and becoming a doctor. Your child is forever growing and changing and new situations and stages are always arising and this requires a mother who is open to learning. Motherhood is about knowing your children, really knowing them... their needs, their desires, likes, dislikes, abilities, shortcomings, areas in need of growth and so on... and toss in there a dozen (or 100) stages to wreck havoc the moment you think you've got on top of things. A good mother isn't one that gets it right all the time or from the get-go. A good mother realizes her own shortcomings and her child's needs and strives to improve herself and best meet the needs of her child.
And something tells me... one day when my children have grown and moved out... I'll still be learning how to deal with them and one day grandchildren.... so, I probably won't ever get that Ph.D. in Motherhood that I might have thought, once, was possible.... at least an "in my head" degree. :)
Take courage mothers... when you make mistake, say "I'm sorry" and strive to be a learner and learn better. When your child is being difficult or a situation seems like too much, pursues knowledge and solutions that will improve things for the benefit of your child and yourself... but realize this is a process and takes time... a lot of time.... because both you and your children are works in process, ever changing, forever changing.
Have grace and mercy with each other.
You aren't defined by your mistakes unless you hold onto them and refuse to budge. Let go of your mistakes, appologize and forgive yourself as well. Learn and move on.
I don't know at what point I realized that being a mother was like getting an education, but I am glad that I did realize it, I can't say how much it has helped me to improve my ways.
Over the summer I forgot about reading books and have only just remembered I didn't finish a really good one... "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk", Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. You always emphasize communication when you think of relationships like marriage... but not so often do you think of the dynamics of communication in parenting.... to me, this is what this book is about... AND surprisingly... I see how it could work with anyone, not just kids.
I plan to finish reading this book once the kids are back in short and look forward to
