In the work place, if you do wrong, fail to listen or break the rules the usual outcome is an immediate consequence... you lose priviledges, get restricted, or maybe even get fired.  If you've ever been hit for doing wrong, your friends and collegues would gather around you with a lot to say... talk to the union, report it to the police, sue.

But when it comes to children and they do wrong, fail to listen or break the rules... they get hit, tapped, spanked.  You tell your friends about it and get a lot of identification, "children are frustrating", "I do the same when mine doesn't listen", "persevere they will learn"...

You're more likely to get comfort and support for hitting your child than hitting an adult.  But why?

A child is small, vulnerable, doesn't understand the fullness of actions and consequences, doesn't understand the connection between their actions and feelings and other people, is still forming their view, their base for knowing wrong and right and all the why's.  They are still learning.

Who is more in need of understanding, to be reacted to with wisdom and experience, to be viewed as a pupil learning from a teacher... even when its annoying and inconvenient.  Who more benefits from immediate and proportionately relevant consequences than someone who is still learning?

So, I ask:  Is spanking society's acceptable abuse?

If you'd like to read more about not spanking, here is a link to another well written blog that covers it so well.

Christian Child Discipline:  Is spanking biblical ?(no!)

There has been a lot of talk about the movie "The Innocence of Muslims" as its triggered a lot of reactions.  But what has me scratching my head most is... why are we (or the media) focusing mostly on whether or not this movie is hate provoking?  Why are we not focusing on the fact that people, due to feeling hurt or outraged are reacting in violence?

I don't think this is a Muslim issue at all, to be honest.  I think this is a violence issue.  It is not ok for individuals to express their hurt and outrage through destruction and violence.

I'm not saying this movie is good or bad.  To me, its one of many things out there that expresses an opinion about one group that will hurt some and make others think.  I think history is full of such things, that doesn't make them right.  But I do believe that people have a right to express their thoughts.  I've never thought of myself as really having an opinion about free speach before... or maybe I have and it didn't really occupy my mind for long.

What I do support is being able to disagree with others without it incurring a violent and destructive reaction.

Shame on those people out there insighting violence, you are not furthering your cause you are harmining.  Arm yourself with love, find a healthy forum for your words and make a difference through ideas.

Abortion is something I feel firey about and very emotional.  I am quite anti-abortion in general.  I do realize that sometimes abortions are medical procedures to save a mother's life... and while I do believe that is sometimes (rarely) needed... I still have a hard time accepting that.

I came across this picture in someone else's blog and found it so moving.  Here is the link the photo comes from.  I think this image is really thought provoking and says so much all on its own.

Thank-you Jesus for welcoming

So, on my journey to loving myself and my appearance more I've remembered something I heard about a long time ago... Christ-esteem.

At the time, I thought that was a silly play on words, I'm still not fond of the words itself, but I love what it means.  As a Christian, I'm not going it alone.  I don't need to find my strength and my confidence in myself.  I have Christ living in me and walking with me. 

I'm not on a journey of seeing what I think about myself, but on a journey of seeing what Christ sees in me... and how He fills in the gaps and closes the wounds in my h

I got onto a bit of a thought medley this morning while getting ready.... and somehow I got to likening motherhood to someone working on a Ph.D. in medicine.  Somehow... I think that is very much how you need to approach mothering.

Before you have children you gather information, some of us do this more than others, and you formulate a plan of action... so to speak.  You get all these great ideas about how you will raise your child and cope with various issues.

And then... the child arrives... and you realize you hadn't grasped the magnitude of those all nighters... and you begin to crack from lack of sleep.  I don't have a medical degree but it makes me think of others who have gone through the long process of studying and then find themselves thrown into super long shifts that stretch the night.  Dealing with sleep deprivation really shakes you.

A good medical student realizes that the process is more than learning information to get the job you want... but that it will be a life long learning process as you need to keep your knowledge and skills current to deal with new situations and cases.  Its the same with motherhood.  You start off with your basic knowledge then find yourself thrown right in with new situations and "cases" to deal with that your previous knowledge didn't yet address.

I truly believe a good mother, or parent for that matter, realizes that raising children is like getting a medical degree and becoming a doctor.  Your child is forever growing and changing and new situations and stages are always arising and this requires a mother who is open to learning.  Motherhood is about knowing your children, really knowing them... their needs, their desires, likes, dislikes, abilities, shortcomings, areas in need of growth and so on... and toss in there a dozen (or 100) stages to wreck havoc the moment you think you've got on top of things.  A good mother isn't one that gets it right all the time or from the get-go.  A good mother realizes her own shortcomings and her child's needs and strives to improve herself and best meet the needs of her child.

And something tells me... one day when my children have grown and moved out... I'll still be learning how to deal with them and one day grandchildren.... so, I probably won't ever get that Ph.D. in Motherhood that I might have thought, once, was possible.... at least an "in my head" degree.  :)

Take courage mothers... when you make mistake, say "I'm sorry" and strive to be a learner and learn better.  When your child is being difficult or a situation seems like too much, pursues knowledge and solutions that will improve things for the benefit of your child and yourself... but realize this is a process and takes time... a lot of time.... because both you and your children are works in process, ever changing, forever changing. 

Have grace and mercy with each other. 

You aren't defined by your mistakes unless you hold onto them and refuse to budge.  Let go of your mistakes, appologize and forgive yourself as well.  Learn and move on.

I don't know at what point I realized that being a mother was like getting an education, but I am glad that I did realize it, I can't say how much it has helped me to improve my ways.

Over the summer I forgot about reading books and have only just remembered I didn't finish a really good one... "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk", Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.  You always emphasize communication when you think of relationships like marriage... but not so often do you think of the dynamics of communication in parenting.... to me, this is what this book is about... AND surprisingly... I see how it could work with anyone, not just kids.

I plan to finish reading this book once the kids are back in short and look forward to