Maybe you are like me and trying to appreciate your body for what it is. There are a lot of examples "out there" of what society views as "perfection"... but in reality... those examples of perfection are sort of freaks of nature... or freaks of photoshop.
Many of you have probably seen the Dove video showing how models are often "evolved" into the faces we see on billboards. Here is the video if you haven't seen it before...
Many of you have probably seen the Dove video showing how models are often "evolved" into the faces we see on billboards. Here is the video if you haven't seen it before...
If you're like me... your first reaction is "wow that's great, didn't know they changed it that much"... but then your next reaction is "so what, what does that have to do with me" and you still feel not quite "right" anyway.What can you do about it? I think its more than just changing your own view of your image... its also helping to change the views of self-image of others. Right, so that sounds like a really overwhelming task, doesn't it. I'm hardly going to be able to start a huge Dove-like campaigne that rivals the mass beauty media/industry... but what can we really do?
Well, if you are a mom, like I am, you could start by setting a better example for your daughter (or your children). We have no problem thinking of setting an example, for our children, about what we feel are good manners, good behaviors for being in public, how to keep things clean or how to work to achieve things. But when it comes to setting an example for how to feel good about ourselves, it actually doesn't even occur to most of us.
Sure, we teach ourchildren how to tuck in their shirts, what to wear to the different places we go, how to comb our hair neatly.... and while those things help to some extent... they don't necessarily make us feel better about our height, the color of our hair or the size of our nose.
Remember, your child is watching what you do. From the moment they are born your child is taking their cues from you first... and the cues they get from you influences the things they chose to take cues from later on as they look outside the immediate people and things in their lives to find their place and how they measure up.
So, what can you do about the cues you send out to your children? Examine your behaviors and the things you say.
To me, the things we say is the number one thing that sticks out. We often criticize ourselves in many ways... "ack, my hair has never looked so bad", "I hate my curly hair"... the same curly hair your daughter has inherited from you...
Do you tell jokes about your body or others? "Mommy needs to get her fat butt off this sofa and do something"... "Did you see that woman's bingo wings?" (in case you don't know... bingo wings is the jiggly bit under your forearm that moves when you wave your arm).... "Wow, I look like Pinocchio in that picture"... and so on.
In these ways and more you are setting focus points and standards of what is good and what isn't... and your child is filing that away in her mind.
So... rule number one.... Don't criticize your appearance out loud or in your actions. This doesn't just benefit your child who is forming their way of
thinking... but it will help you break a long formed habit, and that will be difficult.
Then... we come back to the stretchmarks. Yes, I really think stretchmarks are significant! My point is... our bodies change as we go through life. Change is not a bad thing. We can work with change.
Rule number two.... accept change gracefully. We all know people get older, our body shape can change, our abilities can change, stretchmarks and wrinkles can appear. Accept that change happens. That may mean you need to learn about how your body will change with time and be prepared. Change your expectations. You might be one of those awesome and lucky people that looks 30 until they are 50, but chances are, you aren't. And, even if you are, chances are you still aren't happy with everything. Learn to embrace change and express this possitively and with a smile. It might feel like acting, but its a good example for you children, for your daughters, and for you!
Rule number three... do things that make what you are better. Choose a healthy lifestyle. Eat well and be fit. Just those two things can be a huge step to feeling better about ourselves. Exercise even changes the chemicals in our bodies which helps us feel better and happier.
Rule number four... figure out what your body is supposed to be and learn how to compliment it. This may appeal to some of us more than others. Some clothes look better on some body shapes, just as some colors and patterns look better on some people and not others. (DYT styling might appeal to some... you'll have to google it... turns out I'm one of the types that isn't all that bothered if I dress a certain way. LOL) My thing has been my hair.... its not straight, its never going to be straight as I can't be bothered to fuss over it to the extent to make that remotely possible.... so I am learning to deal with my curly/wavy combo and work with it until it is something I do like. Still working on it, but I can say I feel better about my hair than I did 6 months ago.
I could probably go on listing all kinds of other ways your actions and words influence the self-image of the next generations, your children... but I think I've more than made my point.
Be an example to your children and to yourself of someone who expresses possitive body image and isn't always tearing themselves down.
It matters, you matter.
Well, if you are a mom, like I am, you could start by setting a better example for your daughter (or your children). We have no problem thinking of setting an example, for our children, about what we feel are good manners, good behaviors for being in public, how to keep things clean or how to work to achieve things. But when it comes to setting an example for how to feel good about ourselves, it actually doesn't even occur to most of us.
Sure, we teach ourchildren how to tuck in their shirts, what to wear to the different places we go, how to comb our hair neatly.... and while those things help to some extent... they don't necessarily make us feel better about our height, the color of our hair or the size of our nose.
Remember, your child is watching what you do. From the moment they are born your child is taking their cues from you first... and the cues they get from you influences the things they chose to take cues from later on as they look outside the immediate people and things in their lives to find their place and how they measure up.
So, what can you do about the cues you send out to your children? Examine your behaviors and the things you say.
To me, the things we say is the number one thing that sticks out. We often criticize ourselves in many ways... "ack, my hair has never looked so bad", "I hate my curly hair"... the same curly hair your daughter has inherited from you...
Do you tell jokes about your body or others? "Mommy needs to get her fat butt off this sofa and do something"... "Did you see that woman's bingo wings?" (in case you don't know... bingo wings is the jiggly bit under your forearm that moves when you wave your arm).... "Wow, I look like Pinocchio in that picture"... and so on.
In these ways and more you are setting focus points and standards of what is good and what isn't... and your child is filing that away in her mind.
So... rule number one.... Don't criticize your appearance out loud or in your actions. This doesn't just benefit your child who is forming their way of
thinking... but it will help you break a long formed habit, and that will be difficult.
Then... we come back to the stretchmarks. Yes, I really think stretchmarks are significant! My point is... our bodies change as we go through life. Change is not a bad thing. We can work with change.
Rule number two.... accept change gracefully. We all know people get older, our body shape can change, our abilities can change, stretchmarks and wrinkles can appear. Accept that change happens. That may mean you need to learn about how your body will change with time and be prepared. Change your expectations. You might be one of those awesome and lucky people that looks 30 until they are 50, but chances are, you aren't. And, even if you are, chances are you still aren't happy with everything. Learn to embrace change and express this possitively and with a smile. It might feel like acting, but its a good example for you children, for your daughters, and for you!
Rule number three... do things that make what you are better. Choose a healthy lifestyle. Eat well and be fit. Just those two things can be a huge step to feeling better about ourselves. Exercise even changes the chemicals in our bodies which helps us feel better and happier.
Rule number four... figure out what your body is supposed to be and learn how to compliment it. This may appeal to some of us more than others. Some clothes look better on some body shapes, just as some colors and patterns look better on some people and not others. (DYT styling might appeal to some... you'll have to google it... turns out I'm one of the types that isn't all that bothered if I dress a certain way. LOL) My thing has been my hair.... its not straight, its never going to be straight as I can't be bothered to fuss over it to the extent to make that remotely possible.... so I am learning to deal with my curly/wavy combo and work with it until it is something I do like. Still working on it, but I can say I feel better about my hair than I did 6 months ago.
I could probably go on listing all kinds of other ways your actions and words influence the self-image of the next generations, your children... but I think I've more than made my point.
Be an example to your children and to yourself of someone who expresses possitive body image and isn't always tearing themselves down.
It matters, you matter.
