So, on my journey to loving myself and my appearance more I've remembered something I heard about a long time ago... Christ-esteem.

At the time, I thought that was a silly play on words, I'm still not fond of the words itself, but I love what it means.  As a Christian, I'm not going it alone.  I don't need to find my strength and my confidence in myself.  I have Christ living in me and walking with me. 

I'm not on a journey of seeing what I think about myself, but on a journey of seeing what Christ sees in me... and how He fills in the gaps and closes the wounds in my h

I got onto a bit of a thought medley this morning while getting ready.... and somehow I got to likening motherhood to someone working on a Ph.D. in medicine.  Somehow... I think that is very much how you need to approach mothering.

Before you have children you gather information, some of us do this more than others, and you formulate a plan of action... so to speak.  You get all these great ideas about how you will raise your child and cope with various issues.

And then... the child arrives... and you realize you hadn't grasped the magnitude of those all nighters... and you begin to crack from lack of sleep.  I don't have a medical degree but it makes me think of others who have gone through the long process of studying and then find themselves thrown into super long shifts that stretch the night.  Dealing with sleep deprivation really shakes you.

A good medical student realizes that the process is more than learning information to get the job you want... but that it will be a life long learning process as you need to keep your knowledge and skills current to deal with new situations and cases.  Its the same with motherhood.  You start off with your basic knowledge then find yourself thrown right in with new situations and "cases" to deal with that your previous knowledge didn't yet address.

I truly believe a good mother, or parent for that matter, realizes that raising children is like getting a medical degree and becoming a doctor.  Your child is forever growing and changing and new situations and stages are always arising and this requires a mother who is open to learning.  Motherhood is about knowing your children, really knowing them... their needs, their desires, likes, dislikes, abilities, shortcomings, areas in need of growth and so on... and toss in there a dozen (or 100) stages to wreck havoc the moment you think you've got on top of things.  A good mother isn't one that gets it right all the time or from the get-go.  A good mother realizes her own shortcomings and her child's needs and strives to improve herself and best meet the needs of her child.

And something tells me... one day when my children have grown and moved out... I'll still be learning how to deal with them and one day grandchildren.... so, I probably won't ever get that Ph.D. in Motherhood that I might have thought, once, was possible.... at least an "in my head" degree.  :)

Take courage mothers... when you make mistake, say "I'm sorry" and strive to be a learner and learn better.  When your child is being difficult or a situation seems like too much, pursues knowledge and solutions that will improve things for the benefit of your child and yourself... but realize this is a process and takes time... a lot of time.... because both you and your children are works in process, ever changing, forever changing. 

Have grace and mercy with each other. 

You aren't defined by your mistakes unless you hold onto them and refuse to budge.  Let go of your mistakes, appologize and forgive yourself as well.  Learn and move on.

I don't know at what point I realized that being a mother was like getting an education, but I am glad that I did realize it, I can't say how much it has helped me to improve my ways.

Over the summer I forgot about reading books and have only just remembered I didn't finish a really good one... "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk", Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.  You always emphasize communication when you think of relationships like marriage... but not so often do you think of the dynamics of communication in parenting.... to me, this is what this book is about... AND surprisingly... I see how it could work with anyone, not just kids.

I plan to finish reading this book once the kids are back in short and look forward to

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep...

by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton.

I most commonly see the last 4 lines of that poem pasted all over the internet where there are mothers.  This poem is well worth sharing over and over again.  Why?  For many reasons really.  It's hard when you are a new mother and you had visions of doing it all and you are so tired and fretting about the dishes and making a nice dinner... your baby has kept you up half the night and your eyes feel blurry.  But, babies aren't babies for long... stop and love every moment, take in their faces, hear their little sighs and snorts.  Know that every moment is precious and see the dependance and love that is growing in your child that needs you for its survival. 

Your baby doesn't only need you to feed it and clean it, your baby needs you to feel safe.  Remember that.  You carried your baby snuggly and safely in your womb.  Your baby enjoyed the hugging feel of being tucked up in your womb... and babies continue to need the comfort of being tucked up close to you.

So, when your baby wakes in the night and your eyes are nearly crossed from tiredness... remember how tiny and new things are to your baby... how foreign it is still (even many many months later) to not be tucked up safe in your womb.... give them a snuggle and meet your baby's need.  Comfort is a real need, don't deny them that basic bit of love.

This time won't be forever, even if it feels like it is, its precious.

I just want to share a link to the best resource I've ever come across.  Its a message board that has taught me and is still teaching me to be the mom I want to be... truly the most life changing website I've ever found.

http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/

If I could give someone's blog post a "blog post of the year" award, it would be this one...

XO Jane's Post:  "If I Hear One More Word About Beach Bodies, I'm Gonna Strangle Somebody With a Tankini"

Once again, I've never been much of a blog reader, but when a facebook friend posted a link earlier this year, I couldn't resist reading a blog post with that title.  (You had better have clicked that link and read it... if not, do it now!  It opens in a separate window).

Anyhow... I have thought about that blog post all summer... no, I didn't suddenly say "shove it world, I'm going to the beach!" and run out and buy a bathing suit for the first time in years... but it has been simmering in my mind.  It made me start looking at the people around me... most notably, when I took my child to swimming lessons at which time there was also a small portion of the pool set aside for public swim... and... most of those people were on par with me... or... bigger!  AND, they weren't even hiding behind a towel and suddenly slipping into the pool hoping no one saw them... like I think I might have done!

I've been on and off thinking about getting a bathing suit since then.  Sometimes, I google websites and find it discouraging... seems there aren't that many bathing suits out there with "special engineering" to keep those larger bits that are important to me up where they belong... or, at least not without bleeding my wallet dry. 

BUT!  It is nearing the end of season... and... that means clearance time... which means.... something affordable could be out there!  Indeed... I was rewarded... this morning I ordered a tankini top with all the fancy engineering to make me feel good about my top half... even if it is purple - the tankini, not my top half.  So, give me another 2-4 days and I will be half way there to having a bathing suit... just need to find bottoms to go with it... as I am afraid the bottoms that they were selling were far smaller than bottoms I would be happy to wear.

Another sinker for me... my other child is terrified of water and has announced that he will go to the pool (for the first time ever) if its just me and him... so, I can't let him down... even if I do suspect he will scream and refuse to actually get into the pool once we get there... because, just maybe he will get over his fear of the pool... and I will discover I actually do like wearing a bathing suit... we'll see, will keep you updated.  :)

Maybe you are like me and trying to appreciate your body for what it is.  There are a lot of examples "out there" of what society views as "perfection"... but in reality... those examples of perfection are sort of freaks of nature... or freaks of photoshop.

Many of you have probably seen the Dove video showing how models are often "evolved" into the faces we see on billboards.  Here is the video if you haven't seen it before...

If you're like me... your first reaction is "wow that's great, didn't know they changed it that much"... but then your next reaction is "so what, what does that have to do with me" and you still feel not quite "right" anyway.What can you do about it?  I think its more than just changing your own view of your image... its also helping to change the views of self-image of others.  Right, so that sounds like a really overwhelming task, doesn't it.  I'm hardly going to be able to start a huge Dove-like campaigne that rivals the mass beauty media/industry... but what can we really do?

Well, if you are a mom, like I am, you could start by setting a better example for your daughter (or your children).  We have no problem thinking of setting an example, for our children, about what we feel are good manners, good behaviors for being in public, how to keep things clean or how to work to achieve things.  But when it comes to setting an example for how to feel good about ourselves, it actually doesn't even occur to most of us.

Sure, we teach ourchildren how to tuck in their shirts, what to wear to the different places we go, how to comb our hair neatly.... and while those things help to some extent... they don't necessarily make us feel better about our height, the color of our hair or the size of our nose.

Remember, your child is watching what you do.  From the moment they are born your child is taking their cues from you first... and the cues they get from you influences the things they chose to take cues from later on as they look outside the immediate people and things in their lives to find their place and how they measure up.

So, what can you do about the cues you send out to your children?  Examine your behaviors and the things you say.

To me, the things we say is the number one thing that sticks out.  We often criticize ourselves in many ways... "ack, my hair has never looked so bad", "I hate my curly hair"... the same curly hair your daughter has inherited from you...

Do you tell jokes about your body or others?  "Mommy needs to get her fat butt off this sofa and do something"... "Did you see that woman's bingo wings?"  (in case you don't know... bingo wings is the jiggly bit under your forearm that moves when you wave your arm).... "Wow, I look like Pinocchio in that picture"... and so on.

In these ways and more you are setting focus points and standards of what is good and what isn't... and your child is filing that away in her mind.

So... rule number one.... Don't criticize your appearance out loud or in your actions.  This doesn't just benefit your child who is forming their way of
thinking... but it will help you break a long formed habit, and that will be difficult.

Then... we come back to the stretchmarks.  Yes, I really think stretchmarks are significant!  My point is... our bodies change as we go through life.  Change is not a bad thing.  We can work with change.

Rule number two.... accept change gracefully.  We all know people get older, our body shape can change, our abilities can change, stretchmarks and wrinkles can appear.  Accept that change happens.  That may mean you need to learn about how your body will change with time and be prepared.  Change your expectations.  You might be one of those awesome and lucky people that looks 30 until they are 50, but chances are, you aren't.  And, even if you are, chances are you still aren't happy with everything.  Learn to embrace change and express this possitively and with a smile.  It might feel like acting, but its a good example for you children, for your daughters, and for you!

Rule number three... do things that make what you are better.  Choose a healthy lifestyle.  Eat well and be fit.  Just those two things can be a huge step to feeling better about ourselves.  Exercise even changes the chemicals in our bodies which helps us feel better and happier.

Rule number four... figure out what your body is supposed to be and learn how to compliment it.  This may appeal to some of us more than others.  Some clothes look better on some body shapes, just as some colors and patterns look better on some people and not others.  (DYT styling might appeal to some... you'll have to google it... turns out I'm one of the types that isn't all that bothered if I dress a certain way.  LOL)  My thing has been my hair.... its not straight, its never going to be straight as I can't be bothered to fuss over it to the extent to make that remotely possible.... so I am learning to deal with my curly/wavy combo and work with it until it is something I do like.  Still working on it, but I can say I feel better about my hair than I did 6 months ago.

I could probably go on listing all kinds of other ways your actions and words influence the self-image of the next generations, your children... but I think I've more than made my point.

Be an example to your children and to yourself of someone who expresses possitive body image and isn't always tearing themselves down. 

It matters, you matter.

There is a website I look for, ever so often, that is all about women and their bodies... normal bodies, not model bodies.  I came across a post that someone had highlighted by sharing it on a forum... so I had a read.  Its very much on par with what I was saying on my previous post about loving your body, even with its "flaws".

The website is called "The Shape of a Mother", and here is a link to the specific post.  I hope you enjoy it.

http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/will-you-choose-to-love-yourself-jan/

On Saturday, I chipped my tooth... a top tooth next to my front teeth.  I was awfully disapointed... I thought great looking teeth were about the only thing I had going for me.  Then I began thinking about it, and about myself and that's when I decided to start writing a new blog.

I know, crazy weird connection and result... but that's how I work, all sorts of seeimingly non-related things connect in my mind.  But my end thought was, I want to come to a point where I like how I look.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not walking around ashamed of how I look, in fact, I'm probably more comfortable with how I look and who I am than a lot of people around me.  I've never been one to put much importance in what people in general think of me.  That's something I like about myself.  But, that doesn't mean I'm happy with myself... and that is what I want to work on... and that is what I want my blogging to be about.

That isn't all my blog is going to be about, but I want it to be something I am consciously thinking about and working on in my mind.  I'm sure I will scatter all sorts of weird little thoughts and shares througout my blog... afterall, that's who I am... one big jumble of mismatched thoughts!  :)

                                                                       *     *     *

As I got to thinking about who I used to be and who I am now, also what I like about myself and what I don't.  That's when I remembered something from years ago.

When I was in Bible College, probably my second year, I took an introduction to counselling course (I forget the exact name of the class).  On the first day, the teacher had us pull out a piece of paper and asked us to write 10 things about who we are.  So, we did.  Afterwards, we talked about what we wrote and the professor pointed out a few things.

The professor pointed out that at least half of the things we had chosen to write as being "about ourselves" weren't really who we are - that they were who we are to other people... mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, teacher, cousin, and so on...  I remember thinking to myself, "wow, yes, that's not who I am, I'm separate."

It has been a lot of years now since that class... there abouts 15 actually.  I'm probably about the same age as my professor was at the time that he taught the class... and it turns out, I've come to a different way of thinking on this.

I AM the things I am to other people.  It's not just what they think of me.  Sure, some labels that people give me are merely their perception and aren't the truth.  For example, you might think I'm stupid... but I know this isn't the truth.

But, I am someone's daughter, someone's wife, and someone's mother.  It isn't just who they see me as, but roles I play.  Sure, not all roles are chosen ones, but they are no less part of who I am.

So, I wanted to talk about one of those things that I am...

I am a mother.

I didn't think about it beforehand, but once I was pregnant with my first, I started thinking about stretchmarks... would I get any?  could I ward them off with creams and potions?  what if I got a lot of them?  would I be ruined if I got stretchmarks?  would they make me ugly?

I've been lucky.  I've had two kids and don't have that many stretchmarks.  When the stretchmarks were new and pink, it felt like I noticed them all the time.  But, as the color faded my thoughts about them changed. 

Suddenly, I started hearing people talking about them as badges of honor.  At first, that sounded like a weird idea.  But the idea has warmed up in my heart.  I don't so much think of them as badges of honor, but I think of them as reminders of something special.  I've had the honor and pleasure to bare my own children, not everyone does that... not everyone can do that... it's a blessing.

My stretchmarks are something I am proud of now.  I didn't used to be, but now I am. 

I also have a c-section scar from having my second child.  I am especially fond of my c-section scar.  Before my son was born my daughter (who was 3) used to theorize on how the new baby would come out.  She decided the new baby would come out a special door on my tummy.  The funny thing was... he sort of did!  So, my c-section scar isn't an imperfection... it is a closed door that marked a very special time.

My c-section scar is also special because I am blessed to live in a part of the world that has the technology to save babies (and mothers) in circumstances where one or both might have died otherwise.  Just another reason to think of it as a gift and a good memory, not an imperfection.

Starting a new blog is a bit dauting, at least to me.  I'm not much of a blog reader, if I'm honest... but ever so often someone posts a link to a blog entry on facebook and I give in and read it.  It always seems those people have some great and wonderfully profound thing to say... and it makes me wonder if anything I might write would be equally worth reading.

I'd love to say, "hey, bookmark my blog, it will always be a great read", but I know... I'll probably have more average posts than life changing ones.  But, that's ok.  I want this to be a growing thing... hopefully, if it starts out badly, it will grow into something beautiful... sooner or later.

Oh, and another thing, I have started a blog before... twice before actually... and... I've gone and forgotten where they are.  I'm hoping, I will do better with this one since I have a plan.

So, with that said, welcome to my blog.  I hope you get something out of reading it... whether it may be a laugh or a thought nugget to chew on... I hope you enjoy the experience.

P.S.  I don't plan to spellcheck or proof read my posts... I figure it should be a lot like real life, like who I really am... and in real life, I botch up what I'm saying a lot... and that's ok with me.  In fact, in recent times I've developed a new strategy for botched words... I just don't correct myself and barrel on with what I was saying... I figure, most people won't notice anyway, and those who do will probably get what I'm saying regardless... and if they don't, they can always ask "what on earth are you going on about???"